I've been thinking a bit about this blog and the last thing I want to do is paint a picture-perfect idea about our lives - mine and mr. hartins. Because it is Far from perfect. Maybe sometimes blogs can seem like egotistical ramblings where people talk about themselves and say mostly what people want to hear, or at least say things that will make their lives appear lovelier than they are.
I don't really want to do that.
Life is definitely beautiful. I would even say it can always be beautiful to some degree. Or maybe its that there is always beauty to be seen, experienced and known... even on the darkest of days.
I think life can always be somehow beautiful because God is beautiful. and He loves me and is intimately familiar with the details of my life.
Lately I have been on such a journey, learning how to trust Jesus. I know this Journey wont end anytime soon. It just seems especially instense right now.
I am so quick to worry. to stumble. to question. to forget the Jesus that walks with me.
And not knowing what I feel like I need to know about my life, or I should know about my life intimidates me.
Tonight I'm reminded that God sees me. and knows me. and is near to me.
He reminds me that I was not created for restlessness, weariness and the anxiousness that comes with trying to know everything or have everything figured out.
His promise of peace for my soul is not something that He wants me to take lightly. I'm learning that God Wants me to take Him at His word.
Phil. 4 talks about this kind of restlessness and anxiousness. Paul tells the believers that the Peace of God, that transcends all understanding, will guard my heart and mind in Christ (4:7).
A couple things about His Peace. First, it comes not by worrying, planning, stressing. It comes not from my fall-back plans, confidence in money/jobs/relationships. It comes in Prayer: Communion with God. Spending time investing in intimate relationship with Jesus. Meeting with Him in a quiet place. Sharing and leaving my worries, heart-aches and uncertainties in His hands. Second, this peace "transcends all understanding". Note to self: trying to find peace through logical rationalization or calming thoughts doesn't help very much. and it certainly doesn't provide the Rest and comfort my heart searches for.
God's Peace protects my heart and mind in Christ. God's peace protects me from burdens, baggage and distractions that can steal my worship, attention and loving atitude.
God wants me to trust Him. Simply because He is Trustworthy.
He is Good
He is Loving
He is Faithful
He is Good
This is where I'm at. Maybe not the strongest. Maybe not the most consistent. But I know and love the Strongest and most Consistent God, who delights in giving me Peace.
Also,
Mr. Hartin is such a blessing in this journey. Today as we were eating dinner, I confided some recent worries, about jobs, school, money, things back at home (blah, blah, blah). And he gently reminded me to pray and set my heart on where (and how) I feel like God is leading me.
I'm thankful that when I get distracted, my mr.hartin points me to Jesus
Mr. Hartin is not perfect. I'm not perfect. And our relationship is not perfect. Sometimes Marriage is challenging.
But I am so thankful that he is the not-so-perfect Husband that God had for me.
I must tell a brief Mr. Hartin story:
Yesterday was a long day for me. If you don't know already I work at a Library (which I quite enjoy). But classes, homework then working till 10 didn't really make for the most wonderful day.
Ready to go home, I locked the door to the library and turn around to see Mr.Hartin with a dozen Roses and chocolate! Needless to say, I was wonderfully surprised and so appreciative. He
reminded me that everything would be okay and that I would be okay. And that I was cherished and taken care of. He said it was just a special way to let me know that I am loved. The roses will die and the chocolate will get eaten, but the memory of this gesture will stay in my heart and I am so thankful and blessed.
Love mrs. hartin
